Dealing With a Bitter Past

Consider a child born under the following circumstances: parents live in a desert away from civilization where he nearly starves to death, at a young age travels by ancient boat across the Atlantic ocean with his family for months on end, almost dies on the trip during a tremendous storm, and his older brothers cause parents so much grief they almost die and the child almost dies because of his need for nourishment and mother’s grief so great that she can’t take care of him.

It would be understandable if someone with such a traumatic childhood grew to be bitter, calloused, and negative. It would be quite a feat and admirable if this person became refined, selfless, and positive.

These were the circumstances of Nephi’s younger brother Jacob. The path Jacob chose was the harder but higher path and he became a great teacher.

Here are the characteristics he developed:

• Caring for others to the extent that he felt much anxiety for their welfare
• Constantly thinking about how to encourage others to be better people
• Humility

Jacob is an inspiration and a great example of overcoming challenges from the past.

- 1 Nephi 18:7-8,19
- 2 Nephi 6:1-5

How You Know Who You Really Are

We use things like the clothes we wear, the words we say, and the way we walk to show people who we are. But those things can be faked. They don’t necessarily reflect who we really are.

Who we really are is defined by what’s deep inside our soul. It’s in the thoughts and desires of our hearts.

As Nephi expressed it, it’s “the things of my soul.” We can know who Nephi was because he shared the desires of his heart, the things of his soul.

To really know yourself or another person look past the external layers and into the things of the soul -- that’s where you will find the real person.

- 2 Nephi 4:15-35

Truth Seekers and Power Seekers

Leaders tend to come from two different backgrounds. One is seeking for truth and when they find it are called to a higher level of responsibility. These are called Truth Seekers. The other is in search of power and self-aggrandizement and they impose themselves on others. These are called Power Seekers.

Here are two examples:

Mahatma Gandhi was in search of the principles that lead to freedom and liberation for individuals and nations. As he found the answers he became a natural leader. He never had a formal title or role yet he lead his nation to independence from colonial rule.

Napoleon Bonaparte was in search of power and installed himself as First Consul, then five years later crowned himself Emperor of the French. He lead by imposing his will on others.

Truth Seekers lead others by example and humility. They teach principles and let people follow the dictates of their own conscience.

Power Seekers in every case I’ve studied impose themselves on others. They govern by manipulation. They impose their will on their followers.

Joseph Smith was seeking for truth wanting to know what church he should follow. He wasn’t seeking for power, it didn’t even occur to him. Yet when he was called he rose to the occasion and he chose to dedicate his entire life to what he was asked to do – which gave him a power and influence he never sought and never abused. His leadership is encapsulated by what he said in 1851, “I teach correct principles, and they govern themselves.”

As Joseph in Egypt prophesied, “A seer shall the the Lord my God raise up.”

Contrast that to leaders who try to impose their will on others. Inevitably you will find that the imposers came to power because they were seeking power, not because they were seeking truth.

Be a Truth Seeker not a Power Seeker. Seek for truth and when you find it take on the associated responsibility and rise to the occasion in humility.

- 2 Nephi 3:6, 8

You Control Your Life

We have the power to make our own choices but we don’t have the power to choose the consequences of those choices.

If your life is not what you want do you realize that it’s because of the choices you’ve made? Life doesn’t just happen to us. Life is a result of the choices we make.

This is personal empowerment. It’s given to us by God and no person or organization can take it away from us. Even when they try we still have the power of choice as Victor Frankl explains so well in Man’s Search for Meaning of his experience in a Nazi concentration camp.

If you feel that you don’t have control in your life it’s because you are mistaking the consequences of your choices as your actual choices. The way to control the consequences is by controlling your choices.

For example suppose you are out of money and don’t feel healthy. You might feel like that is just what life has dished out to you and there is nothing you can do about it.

On closer examination though it turns out that you choose to eat fast-food every day. You are free to make that choice. The consequence however is guaranteed. You will be out of money because the food is expensive and you’ll be unhealthy because the food is bad for your body.

We make decisions every day. It’s a wonderful power to have. But we need to use it wisely. In fact we can consciously use our power of choice as a  tool to get what we want but we can’t change the consequences. So make the choices that result in the consequences you desire.

Our ultimate destiny is determined by how we wield the power of choice, which we all have. As Lehi said to Jacob, we can choose liberty and eternal life or captivity and eternal death. Which will it be? Use the power wisely.

- 2 Nephi 2:28-29

I Will Not Forget You

Raising children is tough work. Being a good parent is one of the most selfless acts in life. However it would never occur to me, or to you, to abandon or disregard our children.

Yet there are a few parents who do neglect their children, even infants, and it’s been a problem for thousands of years. Isaiah in the Old Testament asks the question, “For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?”

He answers, “Yea, they may forget…”

It’s such a foreign concept that this could happen, yet a quick search of the news shows that in just the last few weeks there are multiple cases of mothers neglecting their infants to the point of starvation and mothers leaving their newborn infants in public places and walking away.

Yet the Redeemer will never do this to us. Per Isaiah, “Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.”

He will be there for us. Always.

- 1 Nephi 21:15

Ironic Culture of Fakeness

‘Back in the day’ when someone had tanned skin it meant they spent time outdoors. They were probably physically active, healthy, and vigorous. Those attributes were automatically assumed if a person had tanned skin.

Now when you see someone with perfectly tanned skin it means they can lay under a bright light at a tanning salon.

Attributes of physical activity, health, and vigor are desirable. Many of us want people to think we have those attributes. Hence the invention of the tanning salon.

Ironically laying under a bright light doing absolutely nothing is the opposite of physical activity, health, and vigor. Yet we hope that people will still think of us in those terms.

Leadership Without a Formal Title

Is a formal title required to be a leader? Not at all. True leadership comes from a person’s character.

Leadership is helping and serving other people. A leader thinks more of the people he is serving than himself.

A true leader doesn’t seek for praise and doesn’t seek for power. He seeks results.

Leadership without a formal title respects leadership that does have a formal title.

When Lehi’s family was close to starvation after their tools to secure food were broken, some members sat around complaining. One got up, made a new tool, then asked the formal leader where he should go to get food. That simple act of leadership saved a family from starvation.

We can be leaders without a title in our families, in our groups of friends, in a public place where no one knows us. Focus on helping and serving others in all aspects of your life without regard to praise, power, or reward and you will be an effective leader.

- 1 Nephi 16:18-19, 21, 23, 31

All Our Senses

See, touch, smell, hear, and taste. The more sensory input the stronger the experience and the better we remember it.

I don’t drink wine and never have but I've seen professional wine tasters deliberately smell wine deeply before they put it in their mouth to taste it. Why? For a more complete experience.

A movie with no sound could elicit some emotions. But with sound effects and music it is much more powerful. Now add 4D effects like a puff of wind, odor, mist, and movement at just at the right time and the effect on us is even more intense.

Nephi wanted to experience what his father had seen. But he didn’t want to just see it, he wanted to experience it with multiple senses. He wanted to “see, hear, and know”.

This applies to our desire to understand the Gospel. See, hear, and know. Listen to the Spirit, hear the words of prophets, and know.

- 1 Nephi 10:17

What is it Worth?

Tiffany and I purchased a new bedroom set recently and decided to sell our old set.

Here is the old set:

To figure out what it was worth I needed to estimate the value other people might place on it. I came up with $850. Within 3 hours I had sold it for $700.

Here’s the cash I received for the furniture:

Joel, the fellow that bought the furniture, wanted it for a guest room in his house. Just he and his wife live in a 4-bedroom house and his son comes to stay occasionally and this furniture will be available for him.

The worth Joel assigned to the furniture was based on the importance of the problem it solved for him.

You have a problem. I have the same problem. We sin and are therefore impure and are unable to return to God unless we are cleansed from our sins.

There is only one solution to this problem and it’s the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

What is that worth to you?

Nephi instructed, in fact commanded, that his descendents “shall not occupy these plates with things which are not of worth unto the children of men.”

What is contained in the Book of Mormon is in fact of great worth to all of us specifically because it persuades us to accept the atonement and be saved.

As Nephi said, “For the fulness of mine intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and be saved.”

Again, what is that worth to you?

- 1 Nephi 6:4,6

Class Theme Decided: Dwell in a Tent

The seminary class has decided on a theme. It’s based on 1 Nephi 2:15 and it is:

Dwell in a tent

We discussed what that actually means. When we see the phrase ‘dwell in a tent’ what concepts should we associate with it?

This is what they said:

• We need to follow God. Whatever he asks us to do, that we should do.
• We should leave worldly things behind us.
• We need to surround ourselves with good people, good friends, and our family.

So here it is:

Dwell in a tent. Follow God. Leave worldly things behind. Keep good friends.

The theme of “Strength of God” (Alma 56:56) was highly favored by the class and they are considering that for the theme for the 2nd semester.

I Don't Want To Do That

Doing things we don't want to do is a common everyday occurrence.

Most good things in life only come by first doing things we probably don't want to do.

Having a healthy body requires discipline in eating and pain in exercise. Being educated requires lots of mental focus and study. Having a strong moral character means doing what's right rather than what's easy.

Doing  things we don't want to do - the things that don't come easy - guarantees results.

Discipline in your eating will improve your health. Time and effort in study will increase your knowledge. Being truthful will increase your moral character.

Instead of being self-centered and self-indulgent, help and serve other people and your happiness will increase.

God told Lehi to have his sons get the brass plates. After much effort, pain, and grief they succeeded. The result?

"And we had obtained the records which the Lord had commanded us, and searched them and found that they were desirable; yea, even of great worth unto us, insomuch that we could preserve the commandments of the Lord unto our children."

Good things in life only come after we do the difficult things.

- 1 Nephi 5:21

Same Information but Different Insights

Reading the scriptures provides learning in many ways and on many levels. The insights we gain can depend on our circumstances at the time and on our spiritual maturity.

After reading 1 Nephi chapter 4 the youth shared what they learned and what stood out to them. What a great group of youth with very mature insights. As can be seen from what they shared there is a broad range of topics that were covered. Several even shared the exact same verse and still came away with different insights.

That is the nature of learning. It's individual and it increases as our experience grows. It's why we can read a classic book multiple times and see things we didn't see before. And it's especially why we can read the scriptures over and over throughout our lives and continue to learn more each time.

Brittney: We need to stand our ground. Understand who we are and what we stand for, then stand there. (verse 12)

Sara: To keep God's commandments we need to know them first. (verses 14-16)

Sarah: After we have assurances of who God is then we don't need to continue to doubt. (verse 3)

Gavin: Your faith gives you a stronger testimony than actually seeing a heavenly messenger. (verse 3)

Maddie: Ultimately we have to take action. We can be inspired but if we don't take action nothing will happen. (verses 17-18).

Andrew: Zoram chose 'dwell in a tent', meaning he chose to follow the Lord as should we. (verse 33)

Logan: The Lord is so mighty that he can help us with anything we need help with. (verse 1)

Julia: Everyone has something we can respect. (verses 4 and 10)

Mauricio: We need to have enough faith to follow the Lord. (verse 6)

The Art of Gentle Persuasion

When my children are arguing with each other it's usually the louder one that has the weaker argument. We sometimes tend to think that we need to increase our volume to be more persuasive but in fact the opposite is true.

Persuasion comes from gentle reassurance and reinforcement of your point.

The pattern to follow is first state your point then provide supporting information. Then restate your point for emphasis combined with restating the supporting information or additional supporting information.

That's the pattern Nephi used to successfully persuade his brothers to do something they didn't want to do.

It's the same pattern that the Spirit used to successfully persuade Nephi to do something he really didn't want to do.

So next time you are tempted to increase your volume, don't. Try the art of gentle persuasion instead.

- 1 Nephi 4:1-4 and 1 Nephi 4:10-18

Consider Your Attitude

From students in my class on having a positive attitude:

Maddie: When she has an overwhelming amount of homework she finds that having a positive attitude enables her to get it done. And when it's done she feels good.

Anne: If there is a big pile of laundry that needs to be done, you can start working on it one item at a time until you finish the pile. Alternatively you could throw yourself on the pile and throw a tantrum but nothing would get done.

Andrew: You could look at the pile of laundry and decide that everything is clean, then you don't need to do anything.

Julia: She has to work harder at a positive attitude while travelling because she has a fear of travelling. So sometimes on trips she will have a bad day but when she works on choosing a positive attitude then everything goes better.


BYU and Oklahoma University are playing a football game this weekend. Oklahoma has a better team. If BYU has a chance at winning, what must their attitude be going into the game? Positive of course. If it's negative they've lost before even starting.

Nephi had a positive attitude when his dad asked him and his brothers to do what seemed impossible -- get the brass plates from Laban. Each step of the way the positive mental attitude kept Nephi searching for a solution until he succeeded. And each step of the way his negative brothers gave up, complained, and when things didn't go their way they even became physically violent.

If you aren't getting the results you want perhaps consider your attitude and see if that is where the difference will be made.

- 1 Nephi 3:4-6,11-13,16,25,28-31

What Do You Need?

To loosely borrow an idea from Stephen R. Covey, if all the air was suddenly sucked out of the room you are currently in would you keep reading this blog post? Of course not.

When we have an intense need we tend to focus on it keenly with the intent of fulfilling the need. If we need air we will focus completely on getting it.

Many of our needs are not so urgent and intense but they are real and necessary. We might need a friend, help with a decision, information, courage, strength, or nourishment.

Lehi had a need to understand how to prevent his city from being invaded and destroyed so "as he went forth he prayed unto the Lord, yea, even with all his heart..." and he was given the answer.

What do you need, and how will you get it?

- 1 Nephi 1:4-5

The Book that Gets Results

What could transform a young man (my dad Joel) having fun like this

and a young woman (my mom Vivian) having fun like this

and having a Jewish wedding in a synogogue and under a canopy like this

to being sealed in the temple like this

to raising a family like this?

A book like this.